I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
