It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
