i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I understand Curling. That high.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
