he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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