I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
