Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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