I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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