Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i believe in u and ur pee
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
