Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
