i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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