Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
