At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
