how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize