you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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