I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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