Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
meet me or not, i'm out of control
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
