Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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