I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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