Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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