I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
