Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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