Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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