you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
