So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
