yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
