I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
