either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
