I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
