the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
