he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
