Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
