WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
