im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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