just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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