You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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