woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
