I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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