When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
