The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
