I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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