There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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