WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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