lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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