Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
