I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
