I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
