I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
