Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize