u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
