I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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