Just cropdusted the office
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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