WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Houston, we have a blender
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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