Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
