the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
