So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
