I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
