I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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