i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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