I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
