There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
