Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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