I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
