As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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