Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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